


Some Support to Fill the Gaps

by EverythingCanadian



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Brian just needs to be built back up, Cousin Incest, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, M/M, Multi, wow more hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-19 16:33:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16538216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverythingCanadian/pseuds/EverythingCanadian
Summary: Brian is low, his smile isn't there and his eyes are dull. Kevin wakes up to his cousin crawling into his bed for comfort, crying in need. Naked and hot from summer heat Kevin tosses temperature needs away as Brian is brought into his arms.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly--- did not expect for this to hurt so bad. It wasn't at all where I thought I was going with it. Maybe I'll do a sequel to this or a second chapter but OW. sorry. 
> 
> All mistakes are mine, the boys aren't mine.

Kevin grunted into his pillow as Brian crawled on his bed, moving to snuggle into his chest. “Bri- it's too hot babe. Too hot to cuddle.”

When no response came and a little shudder was felt Kevin moved to grab the fan remote from under his pillow, turning it on and hearing the hum beside the bed. 

Brian was boiling hot but he was shivering. Not from illness but from tears.  

“Hey, hey Brian what’s going on baby?” Kevin murmured, moving to enclose Brian in his arms even though they were both sweating. “Bri? C’mon what’s happening cuz?” His drawl was thick with sleep and heat but his mind was awake listening to the sobs that started to fall. 

Kevin had seen Brian slowly slip into a depression pit over the past few months, eyes not as bright and smile not as big until the point where a smile was on the side and only  _ just _ there. Out of everything that had happened over the decades, Kevin didn’t know what was going on this time. 

When the first loud sob and whimper came Kevin turned and pulled Brian in completely. Shielding him from the world if only slightly. “Shhh, Brian, it’s okay, you’re okay baby. I’m here.” Kevin murmured, holding the back of Brian’s head like he used to when they were younger, “It’s alright darlin’. You’re safe here with me. I’ve got you Bri. Let it out, here, with me.” 

Kevin was usually the one to wake in the night to hold any of his four lovers, his best friends. But it was only on the occasion that it was Brian he held. 

They each had their own room, for personal reasons that they all understood. A bedroom was a sacred space that they each used as personal space when living so close together got to them. A sanctuary of sorts. But boundaries were crossed often and with reasons. Never out of anger or intent to damage personal belongings. 

Kevin liked the neutrality of their own spaces, and liked the privacy it provided to them all. As shelters for dreams, as places for sex and intimacy, as private therapy rooms. And like tonight, a soft bed and a warm body to hide in so whoever ventured out of their own room didn’t feel so alone. 

Tonight Brian had made the trek across the hall to Kevin’s room with it’s beige and green tones. Calming to the oldest. And now to Brian. 

Rubbing his thumb in soft circles against Brian’s baby soft hair he let the smaller man press close and hide himself away. His body shook with his crying and his tears were hot and wet against Kevin’s bare chest. 

Naked and pressed together would usually mean that the pair were aroused, pushing the other deeper into the flood of lust and need. But tonight it was summer heat that was the cause of their nakedness. 

They felt closer together like this, pressed so tight that their sweat slicked them where they touched. But neither cared as Brian started to come down from his panicked high. Tears still flowing but his sounds coming to a stop. 

“Hey there baby doll, you’re okay. I’ve got you Brian. Show me those pretty eyes darlin’ and let me kiss them. I bet they’re sore now.” Kevin tried to coax his cousin away from the burrow of his chest and arms. He smiled softly and sadly when Brian finally pulled away and up, half his face mashing against the pillow. “Hello.”

Brian just made a soft keening sound, eyes red and puffy enough to be seen in the bright moonlight and street lights. Watery. Kevin had seen his boys in every state possible, but it always broke his heart to see tears or traces of them. 

“Feel better?” A nod answered that and Kevin hummed. “Good. You can talk when you want to Bri.” Kevin sighed softly, leaning in to press soft and quick kisses to Brian’s sweaty forehead, tasting salt but not caring at this point. His Brian needed his comfort, sweat be damned. His bristly goatee scratched against Brian’s soft skin, irritating it a little. His lips followed a well worn path, down between soft blond eyebrows to the bridge of a wide nose. A litany of kisses were pressed there, Brian’s breath hitching every so often from his crying.

Kevin felt the deep breaths through Brian’s nose tickle his throat and dry the tackiness there. The atmosphere of panic mixed with fear subsiding immensely. 

It was as Kevin started pressing warm and gentle kisses to Brian’s swollen eyelids did Brian make the first words sound in the room. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t ever be sorry for waking me Brian. Not for this. Never for this.” Kevin murmured, his nails scratching at the back of Brian’s head, sending light tingles of pleasure up and down Brian’s back. “Would you like to tell me what’s going on baby?”

“Kev- it’s dumb-” Kevin caught the comment with his lips, silencing that thought. 

“Try again please.” He said softly as he released Brian’s mouth.

Brian squirmed a little, not sure how to start. “I just haven’t felt good lately. Like I’m not me and that I’m not- that I don’t belong with you four. Self confidence issues I guess.”

Kevin made a pained little noise in his throat, tossing a leg over Brian’s thigh and pulling the man in tight again. “Oh- how long have you felt like this?”

“Couple months now.” Brian mumbled. He waited for a lecture but was more than happy that Kevin didn’t make a speech about this. He needed strength and love around him not words that would drown him. 

Hot breath and hard kisses were placed in Brian’s hair, loud enough to hear for both their benefit. “Anything else in your head?” Kevin let his hand wander to the expanse of Brian’s back, slick and hot but open to touch in comfort. 

“Not really it’s mostly just not feeling like I’m wanted anymore.” Brian’s words faltered. “I don’t know why I feel like it because I know you guys love me. I just can’t shake the feeling.”

Kevin rubbed his beard into Brian’s curls, sighing softly as he let his eyes close to block out some of the pain. “Why didn’t you come to any of us sooner?” Kevin asked, voice soft in those fine curls he loved. 

Brian whimpered. “Because- it sounds stupid when I say it out loud. I shouldn’t be feeling like this, I know you all love me, I love you all back. I don’t get it.” His voice raised to a broken squeak. 

“Have you felt the need for a break from us? Do you want more space? Less space? One of us to be with you at night when it gets quiet?” Kevin kept his voice level even though he was practically on top of his cousin. 

“No! No break. I need the opposite. I need to be closer for a while.” Brian struggled with his mouth around his next words. “I want to be fucked less and made love to more.” His nose scrunched in Kevin’s chest mouth feeling dirty from the curse. 

Kevin frowned into the room. “Have- do you feel like we’re using you for just sex?” He needed to know if he had to have a talk with the group. They weren’t just holes to go to, he wondered if something had shifted. 

Brian shook his head. “No- I just don’t feel close. Haven’t for a long time.”

“Oh Brian.” Kevin whined, moving so Brian was under him in a cocoon of his body. He looked down at his cousin, mapping out familiar territory. “What do you need to feel closer to us all? Let me start this for you so we can start the road to a recovery from this.” He felt his own tears sting his eyes, his hair brushing Brian’s face with a whisper before it settled like a curtain by Brian’s cheek. 

“I want you to just keep me close tonight. I want to be held when I wake up. I want to kiss you through morning breath before we get out of bed. I want to kiss each of you before breakfast is even a thought.” Brian’s throat felt tight as he swallowed. “I want to be bent over the kitchen island and fucked into while being held tightly so I can’t move.” Kevin was patient in Brian’s words, waiting for it all. “I want stupid little dates that are so full of cheese that my cheeks hurt from laughing and grinning. I miss those little dates.”

Kevin knew that they needed to come back together as partners, but he didn’t know that something had gone sour like this. He didn’t feel this far from being loved but he was also vastly different from his cousin or their other three loves. He was independent heavy. Brian wasn’t as strong in that department. 

“My bed is ours to share for as long as we live Brian. You can come here every night for life if you need it. I want you here with me. Sharing a pillow with you and holding you are two of my favourite things to do in this bed. And making love to you has been my favourite thing to do with you besides holding your hand at random times through the day. Let me be your cocoon to sleep in, tonight and onward.” Kevin crooned, leaning down to kiss Brian softly, sweetly, eyes closed and tears falling over the brims of his eyes. Brian’s tear stained face making new tracks down his temples. “I love you so much Bri, seeing you hurt and down is scary to me, I want to make you smile so much baby.” A few more kisses and Kevin could feel Brian’s cock stir. “Not tonight?”

“Not tonight, I’m tired and exhausted and my face hurts too much. Love your kisses though.” Brian was finally being pulled into a zone of drowsiness. Kevin smiled as he was drawn in for a few more presses of their lips. Feeling Brian’s tongue shyly lick at his lips. 

“Get some rest Bri. I’ll be right here with you. And if we move in the night just know that you can cuddle up to me when we wake.” Kevin slowly rolled off of Brian, laying on his side with the fan blowing at his back and cooling the sweat there and where the sheets were sticking to him. Brian whined until Kevin lifted his arm. “Come cuddle baby.” His voice was low and warm. A purr that had Brian turning around and pressing his back against Kevin’s chest. Kevin let his arm surround Brian’s middle, having it taken hostage by Brian holding his hand. Kevin squeeze tightly until Brian’s body finally gave out into relaxation by exhaustion. 

“I love you so much baby. Can’t ever get you out of my heart now Brian. You hear me? I am yours and you are mine.” 

Brian nodded slowly, curling up a little in Kevin’s care. “I want this to leave quickly, it’s like I’m empty.” Brian mumbled. 

Kevin nosed Brian’s ear, kissing the tender skin like a butterfly. “Let me help fill the void then. Let me take some of your pain away. I want to pour myself into you and let you drink as much as you can handle. 

If any of the other guys have hurt you please let me know, let me know so I can help bring that barrier down to let your heart fill even more. I want to see you smile again sweetheart, want to hear you in passion and pleasure when you’re made love to. I want to make you feel like you’re floating again.”

“Then help me like this first. Then help me talk to the guys about what’s going on with me.” Brian whispered, finally drifting off under Kevin’s heat and words touching all the pockets that he didn’t know were empty yet, smoothing the jagged and deep edges. “I love you.”

“And I love you. Get some sleep cuz, you need to close those beautiful eyes and rest.” Kevin said into the room, listening to still softly hitching breathing as Brian fell into a doze. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian needs Kevin to make love to him, to let him fill Brian with love and heat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow alright this was way more angst than I thought but it gets a bit of redemption. Just know that they all love Brian and nothing really bad but depression happens.

It took a moment for Kevin to register that he had someone in his bed. The fan had cooled the room down a bit to where he could breath but not to where he wasn’t sweating. His mind was swimming before he remembered why he had one of his lovers in his bed. 

Brian. 

There was soft hands in his long hair, pushing it away from his face and out of his beard. Stroking the stands away and playing a little in his hair. Kevin didn’t know how long his cousin had been awake but it was nice to know that he was still there. The comfort of being the one to protect whoever was hurting was nice. 

Those hands moved to press to his eyebrows, thumbs brushing softly with the grain of the hairs and lifting towards his forehead in the pockets that the bridge of his nose made where his eyebrows met. A release of pressure that made Kevin moan a little. A soft huff of laughter was earned as Kevin nearly went boneless again. 

He loved having any of his loves’ hands on him, especially when his pressure points were hit just right. But it wasn’t himself that needed the attention, it was the man touching him so sweetly that needed it. 

“Mornin’ darlin’. Did you manage to fall asleep after all?” Kevin mumbled, only half awake from Brian’s hands. His eyebrows were a main point that he loved being petted.

Those wandering hands stopped at Kevin’s cheekbones, holding his head softly in hot palms. “I got a little sleep in,” Brian’s voice was rough from crying and then falling asleep the night before. “too hot to get enough though. But I got some.” Kevin could hear the shrug.

Kevin just nodded, cracking an eye open to look at his love bug. The curtains were thick enough to keep the room a dark green colour, shading them both in the forest hue. Brian looked exhausted, eyes puffy and sore looking, lips swollen from being bitten. Kevin could also spot dead skin that was starting to peel away from the abuse Brian put on the little pink pillows. His nose looked raw as well from wiping away snot and tears, chapped. Kevin could see the mess of his cousin, but he could also see the pain and the fear. 

Kevin took in a deep breath, filling his lungs and nose with the smell of sleep and sweat,“Too far away Bri-bear, I’m too asleep to move my lips to yours just yet.” Kevin hummed, face pressing into those hands.

His eye fell closed against gravity. But his ears could hear Brian suck in a deep breath as he moved slowly, head probably pounding and body sore from the night. Kevin knew that water was going to be the first thing he got his bed partner when they got up. It didn’t take long for Brian to settle close, having shifted away from the intense heat during the night. Kevin cooed a little as Brian snuggled in, legs tangling together under the thin bed sheet. Heat be damned, cuddling came first in their house.

Brian was half hard with morning wood and Kevin felt it press against his hip, soft curls brushing his own thick pubic hair. They didn’t need to start anything so early after waking, but it was nice to know that Brian trusted him, enough to press so close with his half hard cock after being so vulnerable. 

Brian’s little moan at nudging smooth and slick skin boosted Kevin’s ego a little. Kevin nosed at him, whispering, “Relax baby doll, I’ll take care of you if you want it, but let me hold you for a second.” That got Brian to press a kiss to Kevin’s lips, humming a little at the warmth behind it. Soft sounds followed each chaste press. Kevin was right, Brian’s lips were chapped and sore, tasting of copper. But that didn’t stop them from seeking out kisses.

Brian rocked forward a little when he nipped Kevin’s lip, wanting more from his cousin than innocent kisses. He felt Kevin’s hands roam his back in lazy strokes, passing up and down his spine and shoulders. “Kev.” He whined softly when he pulled back, eyes closed and face lax. “I want you to- I want you inside me.” He blushed bright red up to his ears and down his shoulders but he didn’t care. “Can you-”

“Of course Bri.” Kevin purred. “How would you like it?” A soft kiss. “On your back?” another kiss, “my chest against you as I make love to you?” Brian shivers as the next one is pressed to his jaw, “riding me as I sit against the headboard?” a soft lick to his lobe had Brian keening. “Or like this? Face to face with nothing between us.” 

“This one, like this Kev. Want you like this.” Brian panted a little, his cock thickening with each dirty thing Kevin said to him. A purr of southern sun directly into his veins.

Kevin nodded, holding Brian firm and pressing rougher kisses to those soft lips. “My angel, my Brian.” Kevin whispers. His hips moved to meet Brian’s with each slow roll, letting himself get aroused alongside his younger cousin. “So hot and hard, getting harder for me darlin. You’re so beautiful Brian.” Kevin kissed him hard, moaning into his sweet mouth even though their morning breath was awful. 

“Lube. Please Kevin. I need you so bad.”

“You’ll be so full with me darlin’, give me a sec.”

“One Mississippi” 

Kevin turned over, “Smart-ass.” Kevin grabbed the lube from the bedside drawer, softly smiling at his cousin’s antics before he was turning back around to face him, seeing swollen eyes that were bloodshot but open with want and love. “Alright Bri, lets get your perfect little tush open for me.”

“I hate you.” Brian was grinning as he let Kevin lift his top leg, opening his body for Kevin to play with. “But I love you at the same time.” Brian let his drawl slip into his words, looking at how hungry Kevin was for him. “Take me?”

“Yes. Oh god Brian, I’m gonna make you feel so good baby doll. Let you set the pace for us.” Kevin was slowly touching his chest, running his fingers over pink and pert nipples, watching them harden under his gentle touch. The scar was pink and white against Brian’s skin, right in the center. But both of them were grateful that it was there, a sign of life. His fingertips trailed down it, rubbing a little line just at the bottom end. “I love you.” Kevin’s voice was solid but soft, a balm for Brian’s ears. 

Brian panted a little when Kevin scratched lightly at Brian’s belly, little scrapes going down, down, down to the light line just under his belly button. “Kev, I love you too. So much.” Brian pulled his head back and opened his eyes, seeing Kevin do the same. “So much.” A wave of emotion hit Kevin at that.

His eyes stung, tearing up at how much Brian loved him, wanted him right there next to him. “You’re so beautiful Brian, an amazing man who lets me hold his heart. I can't ever stop loving you, you hear? I’ve always loved you. In different ways sure, but you’re here now with me because I love you to my very core.” Kevin’s voice cracked, leaning in so their noses touched. His voice was breathy, “I love you Brian Littrell.”

Brian was in awe, closing his eyes against Kevin’s tears, leaning in to tuck his face in to Kevin’s collar bone. His hand smoothed over Kevin’s side, coming around to press broadly against Kevin’s back, sticky and hot to hold. “Love me Kev.”

“Always and forever.” Kevin answered. His lips came back to Brian’s pressing firmly there and letting Brian lick at his lips, opening up to him. 

Kevin rubbed a little line down Brian’s happy trail, soft curls greeting his fingers before his nails scratched lovingly through them, all around Brian’s hard cock. The moan that burst forth buzzed against and inside Kevin’s mouth. Brian was a marvel to be held dearly, and that morning was no different but it was even more sacred. 

Kevin knew he was hard enough to press into his lover, could feel himself start to pulse in pleasure. But he wanted to make sure Brian felt wholly and thoroughly loved up. Kevin took his time, his large hand wrapping around Brian’s cock, giving delicate touches from root to tip. The little gasp that came with Kevin thumbing over the slit made him smile brightly, pulling back to watch Brian’s face contort in ecstasy. 

“There we go cuz, feels good don’t it? All slow for you to feel everything.” Kevin purred, kissing the tip of Brian’s nose. His fingers came around the head of Brian’s cock, caressing the swollen skin and making him twitch. “So beautiful.” 

Brian’s face was red and the blush traveled down to his navel now, making him glow from the intimacy. He felt Kevin’s lips at his chin, making him tilt his head back on the pillow. Those same lips lit a fire with wet kisses on his throat and up to his ear lobe. “Kevin.”

“I’ve got you. Let yourself go if you have to.” 

Brian whined. Letting his hands migrate to the top of Kevin’s ass caused a sharp intake of breath by his ear followed by a little rumble. “Play with me baby, let me know how good you feel.” Brian bit his lip only to let it go with a bite of pain. 

He needed more. His cock was getting too sensitive for such delicate play, so he let his hands talk for him, moving down to squeeze slightly fuzzed cheeks. “Rougher Kev, I need more.” 

Kevin responded by finally giving a good few tugs with his dry hand, pulling away entirely to grab the bottle of lube that he had put at Brian’s back. Opening it with a light pop and a good squeeze gave him plenty of slick to work with. He capped it and laid back down, using both his hands now. He used one to just hold Brian’s cock in a loose circle, the other rubbing his fingers together to spread the slick and heat it a little. 

It was still cool to the touch but it made Kevin’s fingers glide over his crease, petting over his entrance firmly and giving over some slick by fondling his balls, squeezing a little and giving a nice tug that had Brian crying out in pleasure. Brian could tell this was going to be messy, and Brian needed it. 

Brian’s one major fetish for sex was being slick and messy and all over sloppy. He loved it to the point of pure satisfaction when he was open and wet. He enjoyed sex of all kinds, non-penetrative being a favourite of AJ’s, and wild sex with Nick on some nights. But with Kevin he could let himself be drawn out slowly, both having patience for it. 

Now was no exception. 

He crooned when Kevin dipped his finger past the ring of muscle, only to pause on the outside and rub in circles. His other hand was now slick and running a little circuit over Brian's shaft. He twitched and tried to grip against Kevin’s fingers needing something. He got it when he settled down, keeping his hips at a less erratic pace and his breathing slower. “Please.”

“Shhh, you don’t have to beg baby doll. I’ll press into you when I know you’re ready for it. Let me worship you a little longer, play with your little pucker before it sucks my fingers in whole.” Kevin cooed, grinning when Brian whined at such filth. 

They both knew that once Kevin was actually inside him that it wouldn’t be long before they were both piquing. With this Kevin could tease and take care of Brian. On the third almost press in Kevin let two of his fingers slip into Brian’s body. Slowly letting them press all the way in. “There. Feel me inside you Bri, feel me open you up on my fingers darlin’.” Kevin crooned, feeling how heated they were, how slick they were from summer heat and body heat. But they needed this. Both of them. 

Brian needed it for his soul, to feel needed and loved. A start to a path of healing his heart and mind. 

Kevin needed this for his own mind, to calm the gears that were whirring. He wanted to think that something had happened so he could fix it fast. But he knew that like AJ, like Nick, that Brian’s feelings were that, feelings. He couldn’t physically fix this for Brian. They all needed to be there to bring that confidence in their relationship back. 

A third finger caused a silent cry from Brian, eyes shut tight and breathing heavily. Kevin had seen Brian like this before, a build up of all his need and want. A backlog almost. Brian had shut himself away for a while if he was feeling this intense. “Be loud as you need Brian, let it out so we can hear how good you feel.” Kevin could feel how Brian had been using his toys, not tight but not loose either. Kevin could slide into him soon.

It was a perfect little rub to find Brian’s prostate that let a loud scream loose. The call of Kevin’s name in such a sound had Kevin’s chest hurt. It was glorious. Kevin kept touching on and around Brian’s prostate, causing little screams and whines to pass his swollen lips. 

“That’s it baby, call out for me. Let yourself cry out.” Kevin panted.

Brian’s hands moved and clung to Kevin’s back and hip, leaving a couple finger bruises. He needed Kevin inside him so bad, and he was getting just that. Kevin was bending him a little so they lined up as good as they could be. 

“I love you Brian. I’m gonna make you feel so good baby.” Kevin whispered before he was pressing in, slow and slick. 

They wrapped around each other as Kevin slid home, hips coming to press to Brian’s ass and upper thighs. His body cradled the smaller man nicely, hands at Brian’s back.

“I’ve got you baby. I’ve got you Bri. Oh god you feel so good. I love you. I love you. Oh shit Brian.” Kevin kissed Brian’s forehead, tasting of salt heavily. “Love you.”

Brian whimpered, squeezing himself around Kevin’s cock, feeling so full and so surrounded. It had been a while since he felt like this, but he could also feel the void still open and wide. It was however not as jagged as it was yesterday. “Move Kev.”

Brian moaned as Kevin started to move his hips. Light little pumps at first but it didn’t last long as Kevin put in the effort to move against the sheets and fuck Brian in full strokes. It felt good, brushing just so against Brian’s prostate, pressing his belly to his sac and his engorged cock. Brian was going to lose it any moment but it was well worth the mess and prep. 

“Fuck- Kevin.” 

“I know. Cum for me Brian, I’m right behind you baby.”

“K-Kevin oh! Oh fuck!”

The scream filtered through the whole house, followed by every little shout as Kevin pounded as best he could into Brian. “Brian! Oh my God!” Kevin moaned loudly, pressing all the way in and stilling as he let himself go.  

Brian has slicked their bellies, a string or two hitting up by their chests where they were so close together. Kevin coated inside his cousin, still inside him as they held each other’s sweat soaked bodies. 

It wasn’t long. But it was heaven. 

Kevin moved first, moving them so that Brian was under Kevin, surrounded entirely and being pressed into the mattress with some weight. “I love you Brian. Oh god I love you. Kevin murmured into Brian’s neck. 

His ankles crossed each other behind Kevin’s back, rocking together to finish their orgasms off. His hands were in Kevin’s hair, gripping tight enough to hurt a little. But Kevin’s nails were biting into Brian’s back where he was laying on Kevin’s hands. Pressed so close together didn’t leave much to breath, but Brian didn’t care as long as he was being held with such reverence. 

Howie had opened Kevin’s door, taking it a second to register in the cousins’ fogged minds. The man was sleep ruffled but worried. He hadn’t heard Brian so loud outside of rougher play, and never this early. 

“Guys?” Howie watched as they separated a little, still clinging and still needy. “What’s going on?”

Brian was the one to speak, coming out broken from everything. “I- needed to feel loved.”

The frown that caused was deep. “Oh.” The emotions played on Howie’s features in quick flicks. “You don’t already?”

Kevin looked down at Brian. “I haven’t for a while. I just- haven’t.”

Howie’s shoulders dropped, face falling. His cheeks heated up. 

“Please come here. I need you to.” Brian let Kevin’s hair go with one hand, letting his arm extend toward Howie. “Please.”

Howie was quit to let himself launch into the big bed, pj pants sticking to slick bodies. “I didn’t know- I thought it was something else but that you had it. I didn’t know.” Howie was quiet in his confession, getting as close as he could to the pair, kissing Brian’s forehead as best he could. “I love you Brian, I should say it more but I do. I can’t believe you felt like- oh man I shouldn’t have ignored it.”

“Hey, I didn’t do anything either. We’re all in the same boat.” Kevin murmured to Howie. “But we’re here now, we can help as best we can and we can get more help if you need it Bri. We mean it.” 

Howie nodded in agreement, moving to capture sore lips with his own. Each kiss was punctuated by an ‘I love you’ and soon those became little things that Howie loved about Brian. “Your eyes during your favourite song. Your little head shake when you find something surprising. Your knee lift when you sing, even though it’s annoying it’s endearing and it’s you.”

Kevin eventually peeled himself away, cock having slipped out. They were a mess. The bed was a mess. Howie was now part of a mess. But Kevin was getting up to clean himself and grab a pair of warm washcloths. He caught sight of AJ and Nick down the hall, stopped in their sleepy tracks as they looked at Kevin’s wide open door. He motioned them down the hall, watching them slowly walk towards his room. He didn’t see their faces when they saw Brian with Howie. He did however hear Nick’s pained whine and Brian’s new bout of tears start. 

He knew it was going to be a day when AJ followed him and didn’t go to Brian immediately. The man was lost in this. “Is he-?

“He hasn’t been feeling loved AJ. None of us caught on until he came to me last night in tears.” Kevin washed between his legs slowly, buying them time. “He’s a mess in his head. He feels- empty of it.”

“What?” AJ’s face crumpled. 

Kevin just nodded. “Help me clean him up and we can have a group talk about this. It’s  more than just feeling low for a long while. He’s- I’ve noticed signs of depression like you and Nick had. He has some. But he also said to me that he feels void of our love, that he doesn’t belong. I don’t know where that’s coming from. I don’t know if it’s from one of us or if it’s his mind chaining that part up-”

“Kevin Richardson. I can tell you right now that it’s not one of us. He’s told us before if we hurt him, if he didn’t like how we treated him. This is different, major. We all tell each other what we’re feeling but this- he probably needs more help than us.”

“Then that’s what we’ll get him. I can’t believe that that’s him in their Aje. That’s my cousin, a fucking piece of my soul for pete's sake. And he’s broken on the inside and none of saw it. I never wanted to see it. He’s pulled away but I didn’t know it was this.”

“What does he want. What’s he need?”

“Love. Support. Geeze AJ he said he needed to be made love to more and fucked less.”

AJ’s face blanked. “We-”

“I know. Even if we’re rough or quick we’re making love to each other. We follow up and connect even if we really don’t have time to. I know you stopped with your little quickies because it just wasn’t as fulfilling anymore.”

“Not much time for emotional need, especially with our work.”

“He needs us now more than ever. His voice was one thing, but this is way different.” Kevin finally grabbed two different coloured face cloths from under the one sink, letting them soak under warm water. “I’ll clean Brian if you wanna get Howie. He came in while we had finished so he’s a little on the sticky side. Might also need to move rooms, there’s cum on my sheets.”

“Nick’s ac controls are working. He fixed it at two last night.”

“Nick’s room then. We can deal with the rest of the top floor ac later. Brian comes first.”

AJ just nodded as he took the cloth and grabbed a hand towel from the circle rack. Brian needed them all. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It finally hits home that Brian isn't well, but that just means that step one to recovery can begin.

It was well into the afternoon when Brian surfaced in Nick’s arms. His eyes crusted and sore from tears. His cheek and chin had a line of drool that was puddled on the pillow. His lips stung. His body was aching everywhere. His head was throbbing in his skull. He was a mess. 

Brian had cried for hours on and off, being held by his lovers in rotation so they could grab him water or food or clean his face. He had been led by Howie to the bathroom two doors down the hall when he needed to relieve himself. The wall of heat that hit them when they came out of Nick’s bedroom made Brian sick. On top of emptying himself of everything, he dry heaved into the sink at the heat and his migraine. Howie was just outside the unlocked door in case Brian needed him. Other than that Howie waited as long as Brian took. 

It made him feel like an invalid, but at the same time he was glad they weren’t treating him with gloves. They held him tight, kissed him even though he was drool and snot covered. He smelt like a swamp from sweat and sleep but they were still cuddled into him. 

When Nick got up it was to hear a whimper from Brian. The youngest had crawled right back in to press a deep kiss to Brian’s lips. “I’ll be back in a while. Let me see if I can fix the ac for us all. I love you Bri.”

AJ stole Nick’s spot in the bed, tucking Brian into his chest and wrapping their legs together, Kevin at Brian’s back dozing lightly. Soft fingers were carding through his curls, nails lightly scratching his scalp. AJ was humming in his chest a lullaby of all things. But it calmed Brian’s heart down again, his head appreciating that it was a docile sound. 

“So- day one of what I’m calling recovery. It sucks doesn’t it? But it gets better. I promise Brian. It’s going to get better.: AJ sighed. “Maybe not up to where you were before, but to a place where you can think again. I know what depression is like and it’s not fun.” 

Brian felt AJ press kisses to his forehead, nosing his hairline. The soft exhale leaving his face warm. “I hate it. I should know that you four love me, like I’m a link in a complete chain, but I can’t-.” Brian swallowed thickly, voice rough. “I can’t help but think that you all can’t stand me, that even kissing me is enough to get you to gag.” Brian curled tighter. 

AJ shook his head, eyes slamming shut. “Never. Never Brian. You- I can’t describe it, there’s no words for you. It’s all feelings. Kissing you is amazing, having you here is amazing. I can’t let you go. Ever! I love you too much to even consider it.” AJ laid kisses down Brian’s nose all the way to his sore lips. He was gentle as he kissed Brian, pressure light but meaning heavy and weighty. The sigh from the smaller had AJ leaving his lips there, pressed against Brian’s. “I’m not going anywhere without you.” The words buzzed against Brian’s mouth. 

“Neither am I. I’d have to be dead to be pulled away from you.” Kevin mumbled, hands at Brian’s belly and chest. The soft rubbing started up again having stopped when Kevin fell asleep, bringing warmth into Brian’s body. “Love you.”

Brian let out a shaky sigh through his nose, half plugged and swollen shut.. 

Howie was coming back from the kitchen with a bowl of yogurt and fruit, a cold compress in his other hand. “Love you as well.” He had heard the last little bits of conversation as he was down the hall. “Can you sit up for me sweetheart? Get something into you before you fall asleep again?” Howie asks softly, handing AJ the bowl and watching him sneak a bite of peach and strawberry. “Hey, that’s not yours.”

Brian wrinkled his nose as he smelt artificial vanilla. “I’d rather shower first.” He closed his eyes. He knew he smelt bad, knew that he looked worse. He needed to feel clean again and hopefully let the rest of the dead weight fall in bunches off of him. 

“We can do that baby. I want to wash your hair for you.” AJ loved bathing his partners, enjoyed how they melted under his touch. Brian needed to be pampered and what better than a shower and a scrub. “I’m sure Howie will let us commandeer his master shower?”

“I have cocoa soap if you want, smells like Florida.” Howie cooed softly, taking the bowl back and setting it aside as Brian and AJ got up slowly. Brian was shaky at best and needed support. 

As Brian got up and out of Nick’s bed Kevin got up as well, already stripping the blankets and sheets off. “We’ll clean up- Ah,” Kevin said as he heard their central air unit start again through the house. “We’ll use my room then, bigger bed.” He finished.

Howie nodded, leaning in to kiss Brian as he and AJ made their way past them and turning to Howie’s room. The few seconds of silence had both older men letting out relieved breaths. “At least a shower is in his mind, he needs a good wash up after last night and today.”

Kevin nodded, stripping out of soiled comfy clothes. “We should also think of ordering take out, get anything he wants.” He grunted as he stripped off the fitted sheet. “He’s- I’m lost Howie.” Kevin ran a hand through his long hair, having given up on tying it back when Brian kept pulling it out to touch. 

“We all are Kev. I’ve never been so lost in my life.”

“Your sister?”

“That was death, I knew that I could grieve her loss. But Brian is here and alive, I can’t grieve that. He’s ill inside his head and none of us knows what’s going on. That isn’t as easy to get over, especially when we love him like we do.” Howie stripped the pillow cases off as Kevin got new sheets and a new top quilt. “It’s different to either Nick or AJ, both were substance related- this isn’t. It’s- well it’s who Brian is right now.”

“What set him off though?”

“Nothing.” Nick said just outside the door, coming in all sweaty and red. “No one needs an event to get depression. Your brain just up and decides that it wants to change it’s thinking patterns. Or so I’m told.” Nick shrugged, moving to grab the bath towel he used last night off the hook on his closet. “He also might be triggered by stress or lack of- who knows. I’m going to go join them.” Nick padded back out of his room, watching Howie and Kevin unfold the sheets. 

Howie shrugged. Kevin understood that they couldn’t change it on their own now. They would call around for a therapist for Brian.

\---------------------------------

AJ woke to find Brian crawling into his bed from Kevin’s down the hall. “Hey- what’s going on babe?”

“Kevin is snoring tonight.”

“Yikes.” AJ wiped his face. “‘ time s’it?”

“I think it’s- no it’s six-ish. Just need an hour or two more before I have to get up.”

“Therapy this mornin’?”

“Mhmm, day sixty too.”

AJ smiled. “Hmm, how does it feel?” He moved onto his side to pull Brian in, breathing in the smell of Brian’s curls as he settled under AJ’s chin. It had been at least five days with no tearful or rageful episodes. 

“It feels-” Brian paused, untucking himself to look at his lover. “Better, it feels better than where I started.”

AJ had noticed, while the smile and his eyes were still dull he had more life to him lately. He could keep up with more than the past few months and his spacing out had reduced significantly. “I’m proud of you.” AJ whispered, watching a smile evolve in the early light into something of joy, hitting those bright eyes. “You’ve come a long way Brian. Yeah there is more to go but you’re here with us still, medication isn’t involved for you, and you have a four man support group right behind you should you need us. We love you so much babe.”

Brian nodded. Voice a little shaky he whispered “Thank you.” before he was back to under AJ’s bearded chin, sighing contentedly. “I love you all so much. Thank you for staying with me. “

“Of course Bri, what are we if we aren’t your loves?” AJ teased softly. “Go back to sleep babe, I have an alarm set for myself to wake up before your session.”

Brian grinned into AJ’s chest, curling close. He couldn’t wait to wake up in one of his lovers arms, ready for a new day of recovery. Chances are Nick would tag along in order to buy all three of them breakfast before coming home to curl up and cuddle. 

He was content with that as long as Howie and Kevin got a video of Kevin cutting his hair for wigs. He wanted to see that transformation. 

He had his support system.


End file.
